On Friendship

Running frantically from the lunch room, terrified, torment screams piercing through my small thirsty mind. Consolations and tears and coming home and by myself her busy lies fly. Silly games and following her with intelligence and fright. Trust in those small eyes as she calls herself fat, then glares at me pretentiously, eyes alien and I'm sad. A barrage of his images- his silly frail inadequate grin aglow as he stares, feet climbing out the window with his wrists while they bleed. This time in secret whispers I tell myself what he's done, and in his drug world I know he is saved. WEIRD words through my mind as in drunken moments I know he remembers me small. Giggles and warmth and suicide and helping carve a heart on her hip, because tequila is a lovely warmth to heal us. Hate filling my heart in clenched fists as she flashes me that smile- pretending, pretending, convincing me and I fall through myself in this speed- meth haze, while she steals him away. Her blood stains my skin. My contemptuous fear as my kin lurches forward with a knife, and I run like I'm small, like my shame is gone.

anonymityrules
7.1.06